Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
