Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
