Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
