He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
