I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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