I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
