I wish my penis had an off switch
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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