So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
