Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
