the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Is Oprah even human
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
