i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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