I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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