You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
