i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
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Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
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I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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