He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
