that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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