i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
