Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
