oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Randomize
