honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I cut my penus on the lid.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
