Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
