remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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