Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
