Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
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