seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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