i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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