just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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