She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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