New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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