How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
