need another drink. this is the easiest way
Swine flu. Run for my life!
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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