his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
