ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
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When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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