Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
