wat bout pragnant strippers??
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
