I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
