if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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