somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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