Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
birth control should be required to get into college
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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