What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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