He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
