hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
