you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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