your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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