Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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