it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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