I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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