so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
