Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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