I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
