Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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