whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
