Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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