If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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