Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
