when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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