I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
