"it" just moved
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
