a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
