if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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