The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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