Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
