i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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