Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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