consequently i now know what mace tastes like
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
