There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
