he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
