I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
