I must be too annoying 4 u.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
