Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
