I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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