i can't believe i had my finger in that
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
